Dear T,
My entire family has been split in half because of this. Last year, my cousin (F) began dating a woman, and since she had become so liberal it didn’t really surprise any of us. But now they’re getting married and so all the “sooo are you gonna go” conversations are starting to happen in the family lol.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve had gay friends get married before, but never went to the weddings (it felt off), but I also wasn’t close enough to those people for it to be a big deal that I wasn’t there. But this is my cousin and our families are pretty close even though we don’t agree on a lot, so I feel like it’d cause drama for me not to go. But at the same time, Jesus caused all sorts of drama preaching the gospel, right?
I don’t know, part of me is thinking I shouldn’t go because God says marriage is between one man and one woman and that’s what I believe. But at the same time, we’re called to “eat with sinners” and “love the sinner, hate the sin” so how is me not going to the wedding showing love if it makes them feel unloved?
What do I do?! It’s in 3 months, help!!
Dear friend,
I applaud you for taking the time to pray about and discern this. It’s a situation many followers of Christ have found themselves in with our modern society; many are conflicted, and many have opinions.
It’s… delicate. Relationships are involved, hearts are involved, faith is involved, and sin is involved.
I have, personally, lost friendships over choosing not to attend their LGBTQ ceremony; whether because my “I’m not going and here’s why” was too blunt, or, no matter how loving I was, it was taken as hate.
But loving someone does not equal loving everything they do. And “love” is not making someone feel good (that is a bonus). What love truly is, is to “will the good of the other,” as Thomas Aquinas, a renowned Christian philosopher, said. Love is not a feeling, it is conscious, virtuous action; it’s deliberate choices that seek what is good for another, even (especially) when it calls for sacrifice and growth.
Does Christ love us any less when we fall short of holy perfection every.. single.. day..?
No.
At the same time, does He turn a blind eye to our sins? Does He say, “That’s okay, it wasn’t that big of a deal, shh, let’s not talk about these nasty things anymore and just keep having fun”?
No.
He loves us deeply, and because He loves us, He doesn’t allow us to worship things that destroy the very life and grace from our souls. He calls us to repent. He tells us what habits, actions, and choices lead to spiritual disease and death so we can avoid those spiritual toxins, follow Him, and receive eternal life.
…persons with a homosexual inclination must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.
The work of spreading the Good News involves an ever-increasing love for those to whom one is ministering by calling them to the truth of Jesus Christ.
In the book of Genesis, we learn that God created humanity as male and female and that according to God’s plan a man and a woman come together and “the two of them become one body.” Whenever homosexual acts are mentioned in the Old Testament, it is clear that they are disapproved of, as contrary to the will of God. In the New Testament, St. Paul teaches that homosexual acts are not in keeping with our being created in God’s image, and so degrade and undermine our authentic dignity as human beings.
…every person [is called] to live out the universal call to holiness. Persons with a homosexual inclination ought to receive every aid and encouragement to embrace this call personally and fully. This will unavoidably involve much struggle and self-mastery, for following Jesus always means following the way of the Cross. At the same time, they also provide us with a constant reminder of the great hope held out for all who follow Jesus with perseverance. Moreover, crucial support for the spiritual struggle is to be found through diligent fostering of the Christian life, including the reading of Scripture and daily prayer.
–from USCCB
Is that hatred? When Christ reaches out His hand and says, “I love you, but this isn’t good for you,” every time He calls us back from our awful sin and into His infinite grace, is that God hating us?
No. Truth is what brings you true love, life, and freedom. It can feel like a burden at times — that is why they say ignorance is bliss — But the Father’s teachings on homosexual behavior are undeniable.
If God has entrusted you with this wisdom, with an understanding of His teachings on this subject, you are meant to share it with those around you who are not yet aware. And if you have received an invitation to the ceremony, then you literally have an invitation to share the Gospel with your family.
If we claim to be followers of Christ, that means we follow His teachings; the truth He shared with us is that homosexuality is not part of the natural order, which He declared upon His creation of the universe.
…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’
–Matthew 10:6-8
THIS VIDEO does an excellent job of providing Biblical insights and practical tips for how to have this loving (but honest) conversation when you, as a Christian, have been invited to an LGBTQ ceremony.
Praying for peace, unity, and healing within your family,
—T
